sans love

after watching "kung ako na lang sana" at cinema one earlier, i found myself teary-eyed. i really wanted to cry at that point but i don't want the persons surrounding me see me shed tears over that movie. honestly, the tears is not because of the storyline of aga and sharon's movie but it is more about what it brought back to my fragile senses... it brought back memories of people i cared more than they ever thought i did.

i am a person who is afraid of rejection that is why i am not an affectionate one. i do not want to show that I care for a person that I am interested because they might hurt me even more. if I showed care then they did not reciprocate I will be more hurt than when I did not show anything at all. I am a safe player. But once I risked things and got hurt… not much of a good experience.

i know i always rant about me being single, without love life but I never revealed the real feelings I am hiding inside because it might trigger questions that I am not ready to answer yet or questions I do not want to answer at all. some are old issues that I would rather bury six feet under with my feelings for those persons involved. I thought I have moved on but I am wrong. I am haunted by those feelings again, our lives still intertwined by persons and events that I can not ignore as much as I want to. I feel so lonely.

Pag minahal mo ang isang tao hindi na mawawala na sayo ang pagmamahal mong ‘yon; pwedeng mag-iba ang pagmamahal pero hindi mawawala yon that is not the exact words but that is what sharon's character told aga in the movie. And now I realize it is true

It is just simple, tayo lang naman ang nagpapagulo

I decided to not talk about it anymore. no more ranting about being single, no more ranting on why I can not find a new person to admire after blues clues, no more stories, no more emotional baggage. I mean it, i failed before but I am determined to succeed this time.

Lord please help me.